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Andrea and I: The Not So Final Chapter

The first 4 parts of the series are here:

This post has been a long time coming. These are the answers to a few emailed questions about my D/s relationship with Mistress Andrea, and why it ended if we still love each other so much.

I had mentioned in previous posts that we were totally engrossed in each other to the point that nothing around us mattered. We would literally loose track of time (days) - I would have been happy living naked in a cardboard box with her. 

We hated being apart, and when we were together we were always on top of each other. Intercourse was weird because she was sexually abused as a child and identified herself as being mostly lesbian, even when we were together. But there was something that drew her to me and me to her. She was always on top and controlled our rhythm, and a lot of times I would just enter her and we would lay side by side kissing and caressing each other. I had no problems with any of this, but there would be weeks that she did not want to have any penetration, and I was always supportive, but yearned for that closeness. The best way to describe how we felt is to explain it like this - as much as I loved her I could never get close enough to her, and she felt the same way; we wanted to take our passion and love to another realm.

After being together for about a year we started experimenting with drugs: ecstacy, special k, LSD, cocaine etc. It was part of our party life style - sex, drugs and music. I was dj-ing every night or working in recording studios, and she was a club podium dancer. We were very popular, invited everywhere, given everything and enjoyed it all, but we were destroying our lives. My parents did not approve of her, but accepted her and never made her feel uncomfortable except one time, and I told them if they ever did that again it would be the last they would ever hear or see of me. I loved her so much I would have disowned my parents.

We eventually were able to move past the drugs and substituted it with exploring deeper aspects of BDSM: sex, and especially oral during mensuration; severe sensory deprivation (at least to me), piercing etc.

At around the two year mark she wanted to travel Europe and I was ready to pack up and go with her, but after a life altering experience (read this post, if you haven’t) I decide to move to Atlanta for school. We stayed together in a long distance relationship for a short time and then lost touch for about 6mos when she finally made it to europe. After reconnecting we shared a common feeling that we were soul mates, but in a different way; we not meant to be together in the traditional sense, but instead intimate friends on a spiritual journey that would never end.

Today she lives in Paris with her wife, they are very happy, just had a baby boy - Marcello *big grin*. I turned her down to donate my sperm because she has no intentions of ever returning to the USA, and I could not deal with not being able to love and see my child often. She understood and felt the same way. We talk every few weeks via the internet, and phone about 1x month. She is a very special person to me and holds a place in my heart forever. She helped me mature and become who I am today, and she continues to guide me. She says that I renewed her life, faith and love in humanity - I helped her heal. 

Do I miss her? Yes! Do I regret anything? Hell No! Do I wish we were together? At this point in my life, No, but if you asked me that up to about 8 years ago I would have said, yes.

I love you Andrea…



6 comments to Andrea and I: The Not So Final Chapter

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