The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
                        - Marcel Proust

Sunday, March 2, 2008

My Sexual Evolution: P3

First, I want to thank all of you for your kind words and prayers for my family and I during the last few days.

Second, the pic on the left is of Kumi, a fetish model, she is so beautiful and sexy; if you get a chance visit her website, "Kumimonster" for a taste of beautiful-erotic photos.

Ok, on to the good stuff. I met an unbelievably cool, sexy and intellectual dominant woman on ALT. We have been conversing via email. She has asked me questions about my sexuality, and I have tried to examine them and answer them as best I can. Her first question led to this post.

This is her follow up questions to what I wrote, re-posted with Her permission.

Thank you for answering my question so thoroughly… I enjoy hearing other's stories, especially those that celebrate individuality through personal acceptance, without using that individuality as a cover-up or shock factor. In reading your progression of self awareness, it seems quite apparent that your attraction to men has been a part of you for as long as you were consciously aware of your sexuality. Do you think your willingness to accept your bisexuality at this given point in time can be contributed to your outwardly visible success in education and career? Having had friends that were gay, you must have witnessed their struggles in seeking out acceptance and proving their worth. I have seen this often in men that are submissive, balancing out their private and public lives in such a manner as to show the world their drive, power, and strength. For you, submission seems a source of pride, yet different from or only a small percentage your sexuality. Even though your experience is limited, do you envision submission and pansexuality as a joint encounter, or are they separate experiences entirely? You say you are attracted to femininity, which leads me to ask the question of whether you could or would submit to a male partner? Okay… enough for now, I'd say :-)

O… just a couple more… What is GLBTQ? What do you consider "gender bending", and do you enjoy it on a personal level or simply as a bystander?

My answer to her questions are as follows.Thanks.

GLBTQ is commonly used acronym for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual. Transexual. Queer

Gender Bending is that fine line between male/female - there is something so erotic about it. Thinking about it now, when I was younger, early teens - when Boy George first appeared on the scene, I had an odd attraction to him, but I thought he was a girl; when I found out he wasn't, I was a little confused.

There is a difference between gender-bending and transexuals. A transgendered person is a unique and complex individual, and my attraction to them is not a fetish, but an attraction to their unique personalities and beauty. ie: my pansexuality. Gender-bending is more that cross dressing  aspect that I find arousing, but not something I would personally do, although Mistress Andrea made me wear a pair of Victoria Secrets Boy Shorts to dinner with my parents, and I enjoyed the naughtiness of it.

In terms of being attracted to femininity, I prefer guys that have softer features, no body hair, and/or little facial hair. I am attracted to guys that look more like myself; what some people would call a pretty boy. I don't like overly muscular guys, I prefer the swimmer's build. I guess you could call it the metro-sexual guy.

The transexual girl that I dated for a few months had the most feminine features. She dominated me often, and enjoyed toping as well as bottoming. The first time she topped me was during a bondage scene that we played out. It was one of the best sexual experiences of my life.

I think the fact that I am well educated and somewhat successful most likely helped the process of my evolving sexuality.

Yes, I am proud of my submissive nature. I truly enjoy being submissive to a women; I love women so much that I just want to pamper them. I have been involved in the BDSM scene pretty much my whole adult life. The time with my Mistress Andrea was a true D/s relationship and I was collared to Her. I also dated another Domme for a few months, and all my other experiences have been kind of quick hookups for play, but I did not enjoy those times as much because there was no real connection, but they were still great. The two BDSM relationships that I was in had a very sensual dynamic, the other experiences were not as sensual, and leaned more along the sadism side. 

As per submitting to a man, I don't know if that is an area that I am ready to explore. My attraction to guys so far has been purely sexual, so I don't have that desire to be submissive. Submissiveness to me is something that I give to someone that I care about; it is a way of giving 100% of myself to another individual. There is a romanticism involved with being submissive. It is romantic because, in order to let yourself be taken to a place unimagined, you need to have love, trust and commitment to another; this person (Domme/Dom) has to in return, nurture and care for you as a sub, and facilitate your growth into Theirs/your ideal. I draw strength from women; with males I am extremely competitive, so submitting to me is almost like losing. I think if I were to be in a BDSM scene with a male, it would initially have to be a scene that included a woman to make me feel more comfortable. Why? Honestly, I am not sure, but the thought of myself and another male submitting to a Dominant women is a huge turn on.

The "vanilla" relationships that I was in tended to switch. I enjoyed restraining them, spanking them etc. as well as them to me. Not all of the girls liked to play, but most enjoyed it; all but one grew to love strap-on play. So, I guess they really were not so "vanilla".

In conclusion, I am still evolving sexually, and what I feel today maybe different tomorrow, but I will be sure to update you of any changes.

That's it for now.



Miz Ava said...

I like the way you have articulated your thoughts on the differences between transsexualism and gender bending. In some ways, I wonder if one could say that gender bending is a form of transsexualism but the two are not one and the same?

What I've come to realize is that transsexualism and/or transgenderism relate more to a person's identity...not just as a sexual being, but as a way of expressing and living out their gender identity. Gender identity is also something very fluid and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the biological gender one is born with. Is this what you were getting at in this post?

Gender bending, in my opinion, relates more to a specific activit and this may have more to do with eroticizing elements of the opposite gender in a contextual situation. Perhaps it's part of an alternative lifestyle for some, and for others, it may be something that is dabbled in from time to time. Nonetheless, I'm always fascinated by the various ways sexuality and gender expression can be played out. There really is no "black or white" when you think about many beautiful shades of gray lie in between.

Thanks for sharing your insights. Hope all is well with you and yours. =)

Naughty Endevours said...

I honestly believe we continuously grow and evolve sexually through out our entire lives.

What might be "hot" today, may not be so much tomorow because it's been replaced by something else.

I've found so many very different things exciting and alot of fun in bed over the years, and there's always something new to try.

Whatever it is, have fun with it. You only live once.

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