The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
                        - Marcel Proust

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

A Writing Assignment PII.b - The Openness and Psycho-Sexual Aspect of Our Relationship

As mentioned in the first 2 posts, we had an open relationship with a single rule - no sex with another person unless we were both part of it. I also hinted that we were both young, but I was younger. She had already received her bachelors in psychology and was finished with her masters before we both moved on in life. 

Again, what does this mean? 

She had an easy time dissecting me, and exposing parts of my personality that helped me grow into the man I am today. For instance, one night we met a couple and started up a conversation. This was your typical "vanilla" couple. Andrea thought the girl looked upset and began chatting with her. I could tell her boyfriend wasn't happy about us speaking to her, and he eventually excused himself to goto the bathroom. Our transient friend mentioned that he is insanely jealous, and it is becoming annoying. I blurted out, "I never get jealous!" Andrea turned and looked at me with a - yeah right look

At this point in our relationship (about 4 months in) we had not been with anyone else, nor spoke of it.

About a week later she asked me how I felt about going to a sex party. I was a little taken back and said, "what?" She replied, "I have a few friends whom like to swap out their slaves for the night". I replied, "I honestly do not know how I feel about that." Her response, "well this is something I want to do, and if you refuse I will be upset." We spoke about it and I agreed. 

The next night we headed to her friends apartment for this get together. When we arrived I was shocked and pleased to find out that the other two couples were all women. No men - great! Seeing her with other women was a real turn on, and being dominated by someone else was a lot of fun. That night she mentioned to me that the next party will be bigger, have men and include sex. 

That night finally came a few weeks later. I was exchanged for another male, someone whom resembled me in a lot of ways - that was weird. The play was fun and eventually led to sex. I had mixed emotions about the whole experience and like always we spoke about my feelings. She explained to me that, "sex is sex and love is love". I told her I felt guilty for enjoying it because I only wanted to feel that way with her.

 (I think she was shocked that I was not jealous, but instead felt guilty)

Our next sexual experience with other people was only a few days later at a swingers party - No BDSM. There was a lot of people  there and we paired off again. Everything was fine until I saw her kissing a guy. I became enraged with anger and wanted to kill him with my bare-hands, but I held back my emotions. That night in the cab ride home I was very quiet. She asked me what was wrong, and I said, "I am very upset that you kissed that guy, and I could have killed him." She laughed and said. "really - hmm, you never get jealous - right?"  "What!" I replied, and then realized the next second what I said a month ago.

I sat there sucking my cheeks in and twisting my mouth in that manner where you know someone is right and it is pissing you off, but you won't look them in the face and give them that satisfaction. She then started saying over and over in a baby-ish voice, "aw, what's a matter - baby all jealous - aw." I couldn't help it - I started laughing. She climbed on top of me, grabbed my face and kissed me, and said, "no one can make me feel like you! - understand?" We had sex in the back of the cab while the driver traveled around the city.

We were constantly exploring each others boundaries - emotionally, physically and mentally. My first post about our relationship - Personal Growth Through BDSM really delves into what I consider to be the deepest aspect our play together - sensory deprivation. But this was not your regular sensory deprivation; it was a method on her part to help me grow up, become independent, and in a way, add to who I am today.

At about 9 months together she learned how to do body piercings. I had a few already and she added the rest. The first time she pierced me I started to bleed, she put her mouth on the wound and licked the blood, then sucked on it. I could only describe the sensation as a feeling of completeness. I had goosebumps all over, butterflies in my stomach and a feeling of our bodies melding together - it was incredible. From that moment on, I would often please her orally during menstruation; not during the heaviest time, but closer to the end of her cycle - it really was a wonderful experience that I have only done with her.

Before I was about to move away, she had me kneel down in front of her and cup her pussy/urethra with my mouth and drink her urine. This was the first and last time that we did that - she explained to me that it was her way of giving something inside of her to me that will last forever - like when she swallows me. A lot of people will look at watersports as a form of humiliation, and depending on the manner in which it is delivered, it could very well be degrading, but in our way it was very sensual and fulfilling.

When I told her a few months ago that I have realized I am pansexual, I actually said bisexual - she responded with a, "finally!" During our relationship she would ask all the time if I would go with another guy for her - this was the only thing I refused. I think the reason I did not feel guilty for saying no, was because she never pressured me, or really looked upset by me turning her down. She recently explained to me that there are certain boundaries that should be kept when playing. One is forced bi - she feels this is something that is reserved for role-playing, but not something that should be forced for real. She further explained that being pansexual is a wonderful feeling and outlook to have in life, and if she pressured me I might have been forever scared from the experience - which would have deformed who I am today.  She knew this about me then, but wanted it to happen naturally - and it did. 

Ok-  The last part will probably be up before the weekend.

PIII - How She and Our M/s Relationship Influenced My Life, Sexuality & Perception of Women



Vixen said...

God I love your honesty. And so well written that I am able to envision everything you are describing.


curiousgirl said...

my how you've grown in a deep and meaningful way...lovely...


Mina said...

Another fabulous post. i just love reading these. Sylvanus will give me oral even when i am on my period as well as after he's cum inside me.

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