The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
                        - Marcel Proust

Monday, March 24, 2008

A Writing Assignment PIII: How She and Our M/s Relationship Influenced My Life, Sexuality & Perception of Women

The image is a photo I took at the museum of sex. Checkout this link for all the pics. the photo is, "Madame and mine" by Barbara Nitke.

Well, it is a little later than I promised, but here is the final chapter of my writing assignment. I had a very hard time siting down to write this, because I felt like I was losing her again. I have enjoyed writing this series so much, and hope you enjoyed reading it just as much. I would like to request that anyone whom has read these essays to please feel free to email me, or comment with any questions that you would like to know about us, and I will try my best to answer them and keep this going.

Andrea wrote me the other day and said she loved the progression of the essays, but she wanted to make sure that one point came across, and these were her words.....

"Please, do not credit me with making you the person you are today. I feel that would be a grave injustice to your Mother and your upbringing. When we met, all the nuances of your personality were already there, just not in place. I helped you like a chef prepares a gourmet meal. You, the organic ingredients, and Me, the chef who created the delicious recipe that is you. This was a relationship that we both benefited from. You showed me that true-love exists in this world, and that a D/s relationship does not have to be sadistic.  You showed me that it is not my fault that bad things happened to me in my life, and that God and Love heals all. I am a spiritual person today because of you, and I have learned to trust people now. 

Because of you, I found peace, love and happiness in me. 


Where do I begin? 

I feel what she wrote is true. Most of who I am today was already there, but she did contribute a lot to my outlook on sexuality, love, women and gender. 

I was already a sexually open person in my own mind, but she showed me that there was nothing wrong with feeling the way I did, and that being open about it with other people is rewarding and healthy. She allowed me to explore all of my fantasies at such a young age, and that has truly been a gift in itself. I learned that sex and love should not be confused, and if you choose to separate the two, there is a whole new world of possibilities out there. She brought out the exhibitionist, the voyeur and the swinger in me. 

She encouraged me to take my time to make love to her, to appreciate every nuance of her body, and feel her sexual energy. Most girls I had been with prior to Andrea were young and somewhat inmature in terms of their sexuality. They were not ready to enjoy sex on that level, and I was. Being able to kiss and worship every, and I mean every inch of her body was magical. I could tell you that she has a small freckle on the right side of her second toe on her left foot; behind her left knee there is a beauty mark; on her left elbow is a small scar from falling off her bike when she was 8; inside her bellybutton she had another small freckle, and so do I - weird huh?  Her favorite spot to be kissed on her body was her spine - starting at the back of her neck down to her sacrum. I could make her laugh by raising my ears and eyebrows at the same time, and when she laughed - she snorted...LOL! 

I learned to appreciate a women for her inner beauty, her curves, her wisdom, her strength, and her sexual energy. Every woman is sexy and beautiful for one reason, and one reason only - because she is a woman. I learned that from my Mother and Andrea. 

She has continued to contribute to my sexual evolution even after we ended our relationship. After an amazing experience with a girl whom was a transexual, it was Andrea that I confided in, and took her advice. Because of her wisdom and encouragement, I spent a lovely few months with that girl, and that relationship contributed greatly to my views on gender and my sexuality - indirectly Andrea's doing. I confided in her about my sexuality before anyone else, and she encouraged me to start this blog when I told her how much I enjoyed reading Essin Em's and Olivia's blogs. 

At this moment in time I can honestly say that I have never been happier. Writing this blog via her encouragement has allowed me to meet so many cool people, foster a lot of new friendship, some cyber and some in real life. I have embraced everything about my sexuality, and I am loving life and this path of self discovery that I am on. Also, I am single right now which shows that there is happiness in singularity.

In conclusion, how did she influence me?  I experienced first hand that there is such a thing as love at first sight. I learned to love unconditionally, and what it feels like to get that same love in return. I experienced loss, hurt and want. I learned to cry, and not be ashamed of it. I found out that in life you need to make difficult choices, and dare to imagine your life different from the way others want it to be. I learned to make life go at my pace. I embraced my sexuality. I gained a friend that will never leave my side, even though she is on the other side of the Atlantic. 

Lastly, I would like to say that there is magic happening somewhere, and it is at Sylvanus/mina's blog. They are on a wonderful path of D/s discovery and they are sharing the intimate details of their relationship via their blog and twitter.

Read, read, read them - it is intoxicating!!!



Mina said...

i just love how open and honest you are. You are blessed to have each other even if it is just friends. Thank you for your kind words about us and our blog.

Vixen said...

I have *loved* how honest you have been in these last posts.

And I think it was a wonderful gift, discovering and exploring your sexuality while so young. Def a gift.


Barbara Nitke said...

Hey Marcello,
I'm honored that you posted my image "Madame and mine" from the Museum of Sex on your blog. Can you give me a photo credit and link?
©Barbara Nitke

Many thanks and best wishes!

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