The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
                        - Marcel Proust

Monday, March 31, 2008

My Six Word Memoir


1. Write your own six word memoir
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible, so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere
4. Tag five more blogs with links
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

My six word memoir at this point in my life!

healed, awakened, positive ~ can’t stop smiling


This past weekend I was in Atlantic City for a bachelor party. We had a lot of fun; nice dinner, fun club and importantly a chance to catch up with some friends I have not seen in a long time, and meet some new people - there was about 40 of us.

The dinner was at Carmine's Italian Restaurant in the Tropicana - nice family style food. I have eaten at the Carmines in Manhattan - which is better.

Anyway, even though I had a lot of fun, something that I have been feeling a lot lately has been reaffirmed. I feel that I have completely changed  from some of the guys I grew up with. I have been blessed with a lot of friends in life, and many different groups of friends, but it seems that this particular group of guys I share nothing in common with anymore. Not all of them, but a few have changed also just like myself, and we tended to congregate together. 

My other groups of friends have also changed from me, some are married with children, others moved away etc. My friends from school in atlanta have become my closest friends, but it is a shame that we are all scattered across the country. Out of all my friends in NYC I probably hang out with about a handful, but they are always busy in their own way. My friend Jonathan is whom I probably spend the most time with along with his partner Rob. We have a lot in common, and he was there for me when I had questions about my sexuality etc.

So, I guess what I am saying is that I think it is time to spread my wings again and branch out to make some new friends. I love all the wonderful cool people I have met online with this blog, and hope to meet you all in person some day - I consider you ll my friends.


Thursday, March 27, 2008

Male Intimacy: In a Non Sexual Manner

The other day I had a cup of coffee with a friend-(we will call him John). He told me that after 14 years of marriage, two children, a dog and a house, he and his wife-(we will call her Jane) are calling it quits.  

On the surface they always appeared to be the perfect couple: perfect parties, perfect house, never fought in front of anyone, and never let on that they were unhappy. 

What you will read below is a sought of transcript and observation of our day, posted with his permission.

My friend says to me,"I am nervous about getting back out there." 

"Why", I asked.

"Well, I have gained weight, started losing my hair, and I am nervous about performing sexually - I have only been with 3 people, and she is one of them."

"John, you have nothing to be nervous about, you are a good looking man, great personality and there is someone out there for you, I promise. Don't worry about numbers, that is stupid; you are experienced and you will be fine."

"How could you be sure? Look at me!"

I replied, "you need some self-esteem tuning; let's go shopping and get a haircut etc."

We head to my hair stylist where John gets a new haircut that does not make him look like he is losing his hair - he actually looks like Jesse Chathman, but a few pounds heavier -stocky. I pick out some skin care products from Anthony Logistics, and I tell him to sign up for spin classes at his local gym, buy some new clothes and a computer - he has the money. Then we get him some cool new jeans, tees, button downs, a macbook and an a Nano. I felt like queer eye for the straight friend that has no idea his friend is pansexual. 

We are walking, and he asks, "Marcello are you gay/bisexual or what?"

I tell him the truth. " I am pansexual." 

"What does that mean, you are turned on by frying pans or" 

"No, it means that I am attracted to someone regardless of their gender, and I am attracted to all people across the spectrum, wether it be male, female or transgendered people., and that I have a sex-positive outlook towards sexuality."

"Wow, who else knows?" I tell him everyone that does, show him my blog, and explain to him that I am not hiding who I am, but I don't feel the need to invite everyone I know over for a party and tell them who I am sexually; If they ask, I tell!" 

He gives me a hug, says, "thanks" and tells me he will call me later. 

Later comes, the phone rings...."it's John, wanna get a drink?" 


While we are out, we meet these two very nice girls, and buy them some drinks. We are having a nice conversation, and I can see John is feeling good and secure in himself - makes me feel good; I love my friends!

The girls leave, some numbers were exchanged and so on.  John thanks me again, and says in a low voice with his head down, "I have a problem with premature ejaculation." 

"What, are you sure?" 

"Yes, and to boot, Jane and I have not had sex in like 4 years. She hates sex, never wanted to do anything - not even kiss....I was lonely. I met a woman at work and she wanted to have an affair, but I was scared; I did not know how I would perform."

I am thinking to do I answer this?

"Look, it is ok to be nervous. How long do you last?"

"3-4 minutes tops, but I get hard again pretty quickly."

I laugh! "That is about average, you do not have premature ejaculation, and even if you want to consider that PME, that is not what women care about. They want foreplay, afterplay and sex."


"Yes, it is holding her after sex, caressing her, looking her in the eyes, and whispering her sweet nothings etc.....not rolling over and falling asleep."

"I would do that with Jane, but she would push me away. She complained that I sucked in bed, made fun at my size, and told me I was useless."

My mouth dropped to the floor. "I'm sorry, John. This is not your fault, she has some issues that she has obviously projected on you." (Obviously there is two sides to every coin, but I think he is being 100% honest). Have you spoken to anyone else about this?"

"Only the therapist I started seeing a month ago. It wasn't just sex. She would do this with everything I did - nothing was good enough for her, and that is why I asked her for a divorce. Am I wrong?"

"No, but can I ask you something?"


"Do you feel that you have tried your best to make it work?"

"More than enough, and these last two weeks, even though I am living at a hotel, I am happy, but nervous."

"Ok. Lastly, did you feel the same way about sex before Jane - with the other two girls?"


"My honest opinion is that she was mentally abusing you. Keep seeing the therapist and start feeling good about yourself again by exercising, going out and meeting people."  

I am happy to say that it has been almost two weeks since this conversation, and John has been feeling great because of his exercise routine, therapy and the girl from that night called him. They spent the night together and have begun seeing each other. John said he was nervous at first, but so was she - which put him at ease. He performed well he said. No complaints on her part, but he would still like to be better in bed. I recommended a Fleshlight STU, and some Tantra classes, which they are going to register for together.

Why did I write this? Because It showed that all people are vulnerable to abuse, mental or physical, and that even though he never showed it - he was hurting inside all this time.

My point being - as men we have a right to make sure our friends are Ok - mentally, physically and sexually. Before I knew I was pansexual, I always enjoyed the company of my "gay" friends, because they always opened up, let their feelings out, asked me how I was, lent a shoulder to cry on - literally.  We need to get to the point in our male-male friendships where sensitivity and openness between us is not perceived as weird, but healthy. 

Why do women live longer? Because they open up to each other, lend an ear or a shoulder, they are intimate in a non-sexual way. 

Ask a friend tomorrow how he is doing, you might be surprised at what he tells you.


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

hApPy hAlF-nEkKiD tHuRsDaY!


hApPy hAlF-nEkKiD tHuRsDaY


Getting ready for a vacation to Punta Cana, Domenican Republic in 6 weeks, so I am buying clothes and taking pics!


Monday, March 24, 2008

A Writing Assignment PIII: How She and Our M/s Relationship Influenced My Life, Sexuality & Perception of Women

The image is a photo I took at the museum of sex. Checkout this link for all the pics. the photo is, "Madame and mine" by Barbara Nitke.

Well, it is a little later than I promised, but here is the final chapter of my writing assignment. I had a very hard time siting down to write this, because I felt like I was losing her again. I have enjoyed writing this series so much, and hope you enjoyed reading it just as much. I would like to request that anyone whom has read these essays to please feel free to email me, or comment with any questions that you would like to know about us, and I will try my best to answer them and keep this going.

Andrea wrote me the other day and said she loved the progression of the essays, but she wanted to make sure that one point came across, and these were her words.....

"Please, do not credit me with making you the person you are today. I feel that would be a grave injustice to your Mother and your upbringing. When we met, all the nuances of your personality were already there, just not in place. I helped you like a chef prepares a gourmet meal. You, the organic ingredients, and Me, the chef who created the delicious recipe that is you. This was a relationship that we both benefited from. You showed me that true-love exists in this world, and that a D/s relationship does not have to be sadistic.  You showed me that it is not my fault that bad things happened to me in my life, and that God and Love heals all. I am a spiritual person today because of you, and I have learned to trust people now. 

Because of you, I found peace, love and happiness in me. 


Where do I begin? 

I feel what she wrote is true. Most of who I am today was already there, but she did contribute a lot to my outlook on sexuality, love, women and gender. 

I was already a sexually open person in my own mind, but she showed me that there was nothing wrong with feeling the way I did, and that being open about it with other people is rewarding and healthy. She allowed me to explore all of my fantasies at such a young age, and that has truly been a gift in itself. I learned that sex and love should not be confused, and if you choose to separate the two, there is a whole new world of possibilities out there. She brought out the exhibitionist, the voyeur and the swinger in me. 

She encouraged me to take my time to make love to her, to appreciate every nuance of her body, and feel her sexual energy. Most girls I had been with prior to Andrea were young and somewhat inmature in terms of their sexuality. They were not ready to enjoy sex on that level, and I was. Being able to kiss and worship every, and I mean every inch of her body was magical. I could tell you that she has a small freckle on the right side of her second toe on her left foot; behind her left knee there is a beauty mark; on her left elbow is a small scar from falling off her bike when she was 8; inside her bellybutton she had another small freckle, and so do I - weird huh?  Her favorite spot to be kissed on her body was her spine - starting at the back of her neck down to her sacrum. I could make her laugh by raising my ears and eyebrows at the same time, and when she laughed - she snorted...LOL! 

I learned to appreciate a women for her inner beauty, her curves, her wisdom, her strength, and her sexual energy. Every woman is sexy and beautiful for one reason, and one reason only - because she is a woman. I learned that from my Mother and Andrea. 

She has continued to contribute to my sexual evolution even after we ended our relationship. After an amazing experience with a girl whom was a transexual, it was Andrea that I confided in, and took her advice. Because of her wisdom and encouragement, I spent a lovely few months with that girl, and that relationship contributed greatly to my views on gender and my sexuality - indirectly Andrea's doing. I confided in her about my sexuality before anyone else, and she encouraged me to start this blog when I told her how much I enjoyed reading Essin Em's and Olivia's blogs. 

At this moment in time I can honestly say that I have never been happier. Writing this blog via her encouragement has allowed me to meet so many cool people, foster a lot of new friendship, some cyber and some in real life. I have embraced everything about my sexuality, and I am loving life and this path of self discovery that I am on. Also, I am single right now which shows that there is happiness in singularity.

In conclusion, how did she influence me?  I experienced first hand that there is such a thing as love at first sight. I learned to love unconditionally, and what it feels like to get that same love in return. I experienced loss, hurt and want. I learned to cry, and not be ashamed of it. I found out that in life you need to make difficult choices, and dare to imagine your life different from the way others want it to be. I learned to make life go at my pace. I embraced my sexuality. I gained a friend that will never leave my side, even though she is on the other side of the Atlantic. 

Lastly, I would like to say that there is magic happening somewhere, and it is at Sylvanus/mina's blog. They are on a wonderful path of D/s discovery and they are sharing the intimate details of their relationship via their blog and twitter.

Read, read, read them - it is intoxicating!!!


Sunday, March 23, 2008

mosex: museum of sex

Saturday I was fortunate enough to go with some friends to the museum of sex, and then a delicious dinner at Sushi Samba.

If you live in NYC or if you are visiting, you need to check out the museum located at the corner of 27th street and 5th avenue - it is such a cool place, and the exhibits change often! 


Thursday, March 20, 2008

hApPy hAlF-nEkKiD tHuRsDaY!

hApPy hAlF-nEkKiD tHuRsDaY!


I bought a bunch of new underwear and decided to use these for my HNT pic.

I could not decide which one, so I posted them all!


Tuesday, March 18, 2008

A Writing Assignment PII.b - The Openness and Psycho-Sexual Aspect of Our Relationship

As mentioned in the first 2 posts, we had an open relationship with a single rule - no sex with another person unless we were both part of it. I also hinted that we were both young, but I was younger. She had already received her bachelors in psychology and was finished with her masters before we both moved on in life. 

Again, what does this mean? 

She had an easy time dissecting me, and exposing parts of my personality that helped me grow into the man I am today. For instance, one night we met a couple and started up a conversation. This was your typical "vanilla" couple. Andrea thought the girl looked upset and began chatting with her. I could tell her boyfriend wasn't happy about us speaking to her, and he eventually excused himself to goto the bathroom. Our transient friend mentioned that he is insanely jealous, and it is becoming annoying. I blurted out, "I never get jealous!" Andrea turned and looked at me with a - yeah right look

At this point in our relationship (about 4 months in) we had not been with anyone else, nor spoke of it.

About a week later she asked me how I felt about going to a sex party. I was a little taken back and said, "what?" She replied, "I have a few friends whom like to swap out their slaves for the night". I replied, "I honestly do not know how I feel about that." Her response, "well this is something I want to do, and if you refuse I will be upset." We spoke about it and I agreed. 

The next night we headed to her friends apartment for this get together. When we arrived I was shocked and pleased to find out that the other two couples were all women. No men - great! Seeing her with other women was a real turn on, and being dominated by someone else was a lot of fun. That night she mentioned to me that the next party will be bigger, have men and include sex. 

That night finally came a few weeks later. I was exchanged for another male, someone whom resembled me in a lot of ways - that was weird. The play was fun and eventually led to sex. I had mixed emotions about the whole experience and like always we spoke about my feelings. She explained to me that, "sex is sex and love is love". I told her I felt guilty for enjoying it because I only wanted to feel that way with her.

 (I think she was shocked that I was not jealous, but instead felt guilty)

Our next sexual experience with other people was only a few days later at a swingers party - No BDSM. There was a lot of people  there and we paired off again. Everything was fine until I saw her kissing a guy. I became enraged with anger and wanted to kill him with my bare-hands, but I held back my emotions. That night in the cab ride home I was very quiet. She asked me what was wrong, and I said, "I am very upset that you kissed that guy, and I could have killed him." She laughed and said. "really - hmm, you never get jealous - right?"  "What!" I replied, and then realized the next second what I said a month ago.

I sat there sucking my cheeks in and twisting my mouth in that manner where you know someone is right and it is pissing you off, but you won't look them in the face and give them that satisfaction. She then started saying over and over in a baby-ish voice, "aw, what's a matter - baby all jealous - aw." I couldn't help it - I started laughing. She climbed on top of me, grabbed my face and kissed me, and said, "no one can make me feel like you! - understand?" We had sex in the back of the cab while the driver traveled around the city.

We were constantly exploring each others boundaries - emotionally, physically and mentally. My first post about our relationship - Personal Growth Through BDSM really delves into what I consider to be the deepest aspect our play together - sensory deprivation. But this was not your regular sensory deprivation; it was a method on her part to help me grow up, become independent, and in a way, add to who I am today.

At about 9 months together she learned how to do body piercings. I had a few already and she added the rest. The first time she pierced me I started to bleed, she put her mouth on the wound and licked the blood, then sucked on it. I could only describe the sensation as a feeling of completeness. I had goosebumps all over, butterflies in my stomach and a feeling of our bodies melding together - it was incredible. From that moment on, I would often please her orally during menstruation; not during the heaviest time, but closer to the end of her cycle - it really was a wonderful experience that I have only done with her.

Before I was about to move away, she had me kneel down in front of her and cup her pussy/urethra with my mouth and drink her urine. This was the first and last time that we did that - she explained to me that it was her way of giving something inside of her to me that will last forever - like when she swallows me. A lot of people will look at watersports as a form of humiliation, and depending on the manner in which it is delivered, it could very well be degrading, but in our way it was very sensual and fulfilling.

When I told her a few months ago that I have realized I am pansexual, I actually said bisexual - she responded with a, "finally!" During our relationship she would ask all the time if I would go with another guy for her - this was the only thing I refused. I think the reason I did not feel guilty for saying no, was because she never pressured me, or really looked upset by me turning her down. She recently explained to me that there are certain boundaries that should be kept when playing. One is forced bi - she feels this is something that is reserved for role-playing, but not something that should be forced for real. She further explained that being pansexual is a wonderful feeling and outlook to have in life, and if she pressured me I might have been forever scared from the experience - which would have deformed who I am today.  She knew this about me then, but wanted it to happen naturally - and it did. 

Ok-  The last part will probably be up before the weekend.

PIII - How She and Our M/s Relationship Influenced My Life, Sexuality & Perception of Women


Monday, March 17, 2008


This Week’s Picks

A Seven Letter Word for Flowers  “I breathed into your neck, brushing my lips against your skin.”

Breakfast In Bed “I rolled her over onto her back and she spread her legs willingly.”

Inked “How quaint to be wooed with a soft brushing of lips over my fingers.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself L.A. Bondage

Editor’s Choice Male spankees and the female gaze

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio

Blowing Cold
Catalina loves Fetish Friday Pictures
Corset Model Mz. Berlin Is Pin Up Fabulous In This Lovely Pink Corset
Dressed to the nines -HNT
Half-Nekkid with a Strap-On
Hiroshima Circus
The Ideal Man (video)
Jelena Jensen
That Smile

Sex Advice

Pleasure Her With Pearls

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Balcony Fun - Repost
Caught Pt 3
A good time with the neighbor
The Hospital
My wife’s first bi-curious romp
Observations and Suggestions Upon Having Fucked Simultaneously Two Other Sex Bloggers
An Officer and a Gentleman…
The Stranger’s Words

BDSM & Fetish

Bend me. break me. As long as I want you, baby, it’s alright.
Electrical Wire Spanking for Masturbating on the Job
Fantasies of a Shoe Store Slut
I Needed Reminding…
A slave’s birthday weekend
A Writing Assignment: P1 - Our First Encounter Yours Truly

Sex Work

Last Night’s Phone and Camshow Recap
Spying On Sex Workers

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

All These Years
The Cam Lover prepares for Amsterdam sex tour
The great myth of the “Venus corset”
I’m Submissive, Not A Doormat
Lost and Found
Spitzer vs. Clinton: Bill got it for free

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews

Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy
Get Paid for Your Orgasms!
Ivy League Confessional: Naked Parties at Yale
Madison Young In A Submissive Latex Femdom Scene On Wired Pussy
My New Thing
Sara Faye And Alexa Jordan Get Abducted During A Rave And Forced To Fuck Each Other

Friday, March 14, 2008

A Writing Assignment: PII.a - The Dynamics Of Our D/s Relationship

Ciao Everyone

You can read P1: Our First Encounter here:

I thought that I would have 3 posts, but it looks like there will be 4 total, I, II.a, II.b, III.

Our relationship moved very fast; very very very fast! We moved in together pretty quickly and we did everything together. We were in an open relationship that allowed both of us to invite others into our sex-lives with approval. Initially I could not care less about this aspect because all I wanted was her, but I learned a lot about love, sex and trust by engaging in a "swinger" lifestyle with her at such a young age; we were young, I was younger. 

The first time I told her I loved her was about 3 weeks into our relationship, but I knew the first night we were together. We were walking through Thompkins Square Park in NYC, she was talking to some squatters and offered to buy them lunch. When she was done, she walked over to me and I said, "I love you with every fiber of my being, I would do anything for you." She replied with a sassy smirk and a twinkle in her beautiful eyes, "I know", followed by a little girlish giggle. That was a big part of the play in our lives - she really loved how much I loved her, and loved to make me want her verbal attention. 

That night she asked me to start staying at her apartment more often. She also bought me a chain with dog tags on it that said, "Marcello - Loving Slave of Mistress Andrea", with the date of that day on the back. She told me she loved me about two weeks later via a post it note in my!  After the written expression of her love, she began telling me she loved me whenever we had to be apart, or whenever we went back to that park, and always after making love.

(Some info that you should know before continuing) - When we began living together I learned a lot about her. She was abused as a child by her step dad, and ran away from home at an early age. After her life was settled, a few years later, she contacted her mom and remained somewhat close with her until she died about 5 months after were together. She had no other family except a step sister from her real dad's first marriage -  he died when she was 2. They became very close while we were together, because I would encourage her to call.

What does all this have to do with anything? One night she was laying on the bed naked, and I climbed in the bed next her- she was shaking.  I asked her what was wrong, but she didn't want to answer. I touched her back and she jerked nervously; I was nervous, I did not know what was wrong. So, I slid down and gently placed my head on the small of her back and waited for her to relax. Next, I placed my hand on her ass and sensually rubbed and trickled my fingers over her skin; she relaxed and fell asleep. This became a daily ritual for us. I loved that I gave her comfort.

Our relationship was exactly that - a very sensual nature; I loved her, worshipped her, and lived for one reason and one reason only - to make her happy. We enjoyed so many different activities: strap-ons, foot and body worship, orgasm denial, tongue fetish, rimming and any other non-sadistic aspect of BDSM. I would draw her a bath and kneel beside our french tub in a collar waiting for her to allow me in, which usually was not long. Then I would bath her, dry her and dress her for bed.

She did discipline me at times. I was a recording engineer, dj and record producer full time, and sometimes I could not be home to pamper her and put her to sleep. Usually it was not a problem, but if she had a bad night because of flashbacks of her childhood, bad night sleep, or because she missed me too much while I was gone, then I would be disciplined by spanking, flogging and one time canning when I arrived home. I enjoyed it - it made me feel good that she wanted me that much and if I wasn't there, her love for me caused her to want to discipline me - to me that is true love *smile*!

Our first Valentine's Day I turned our apartment into a day spa. I bought hundreds of tea light candles, bath salts, new robe, slippers etc, and treated her to a a full day of true goddess treatment while I was fully naked, except for ankle-wrist restraints and a collar. I also bought her pink Victoria Secret panties(boy shorts), she did not like them and made me wear them to dinner with my parents - it was fun.

After about 4mos of being together we started spending more time with people involved in BDSM, and this led to the openness in our relationship. She would often invite a friend whom was a Domme over, and they both would dominate me. One time I was auctioned off for a fund-raising dinner thrown by our group of friends, their clients, like-minded friends and whomever else attended. Because anyone could buy you I was not comfortable with this - at this time in my life I did not think I had any same-sex attraction, and I was not keen on being bought by a male, but I did it for her because it was for runaway kids.

I wound up being sold for a night to a 50-something year old widow, who was very rich. We went back to her ginourmous loft apartment, and all she wanted to do is spank me over her knee - it was fun, but what happened after was unforgettable. We talked all night till the sun came up. She was a magnificent women - intellectual, curvaceous and beautifully aged. I actually wanted to have sex with her, but she never hinted to it. We spoke about life, love, sex and all the magnificent places she has been in her life, and how much she missed her husband whom was her submissive partner of 25 years before passing on to cancer. I told Mistress Andrea about the night we shared, and we contacted her regularly for dinner dates, book club and one time for a play date - but she respectfully declined.  I still talk to her every few months, as does Andrea. She met a wonderful new man that she spends all her time with, and I am actually going to dinner with them this weekend. 

OK - PII.b - "The Openness and Psycho-Sexual Aspect of Our Relationship" will be up tomorrow. 


Thursday, March 13, 2008

hApPy hAlF-nEkKiD tHuRsDaY!

~ hApPy hAlF-nEkKiD tHuRsDaY ~


I have been going religiously to spin class, and happy that my legs are coming back nicely from a knee injury.

So, here they are...


Wednesday, March 12, 2008


The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #123? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

Sex and love; anger and appeasement

“And in some way, the love I had for him will never be extinguished entirely.”

The Tetrised Luggage

“Our thighs are touching and I can feel him inch forward in his seat.”

You never know who we are

“People tend to have an idea of who can/does talk about sex.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself (one from the vaults)

The Media vs. Pornography

Editor’s Choice

Red Assed Mouthsoaping for His Lies

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

A Writing Assignment: P1 - Our First Encounter

The drawing is by Tyson Mcadoo. His art is amazing, check it out for yourself. This is the tattoo I am thinking of  getting on my right shoulder/arm, with a male in a collar at her feet, and shading around it. What do you think?

I just spoke with Mistress Andrea via IM in Paris - don't you just love technology. For those of you that do not know who she is; she is a my ex. -  we met in 1994 while I was dj-ing in a club in NYC.  She was a dancer there, and we were in a D/s relationship for about 2 years. 

Ok, so what does this mean. She assigned me a topic to write about: our first time together; the dynamics of our D/s relationship, and how that relationship has influenced my life, sexuality and perception of women. (I might turn this into two or three parts so that I can post each as I finish it) . I think I found a new fetish - being told what to write about...LOL!

The first night I saw her, I was in awe. She had that Betty Paige look and body piercings, tattoos, knee-high platform boots, leather boy shorts and a mesh black bra; she was dancing on a podium with a whip in her hand - She was dark, beautiful and sexy. 

I think she caught me glancing at her a few times. Later on that night she came to the dj booth and requested a song. We chatted, I asked her to breakfast, and I wound up going home with her. 

Her first question was, "do you know about BDSM, and do you have any experience with it?" My resposne, "why?" She replied, "I am a professional Dominatrix and live the lifestyle fully." I explained to her that I had an interest in the scene, but never had the opportunity to experience it; I consented to playing with her, and we headed back to her place.

She was very gentile, informative about what she was doing, and what I should expect. It started with a command to strip completely naked, while she remained fully clothed. I was instructed to stand tall while she circled me, inspected my body, and made decisions about what she would do to me. I was ordered to kneel, placed in a collar and leash, ankle and wrist restraints, and lead by leash - crawling behind her to a chair where she sat down. I was instructed to kiss her boots, unzip them, remove her stockings and begin worshiping her feet. (if you have read my first post then you would remember that a have a huge foot fetish that started when I was about 10).

I kissed and sucked her toes, worshipped her feet and legs, and made my way up to the female altar. I was told to undress her, and then she sat back down. I started to move towards her pussy, when she grabbed my hair and said, "stop." My head was put between her legs, inches from heaven, and ordered to just stare and smell while she petted me. I felt like a dog salivating with its head placed on a sofa while the Master/Mistress is eating. I was kept there for about 15 minutes.  It was excruciating, I was so aroused, so turned on, that I felt like an animal in heat. Eventually she spoke, but it was not what I wanted to hear. I had to skip to her navel and kiss her belly button, her breasts, neck, shoulders and arms. I tried to kiss her, but she pushed me away, squeezed my face to pucker my lips, turned around and ordered me to kiss her ass cheeks and rim her ass. She tasted so good, smelled so great; I could not get enough of her.

I was led to the bed by collar and leash and restrained to the bed posts. She smothered my face, and I worshipped her ass and pussy until she was satisfied. Then, she reached in the draw and grabbed a strap-on, put it on and looked at me for an approving glance; I nervously smiled. She started slow with lots of lube, a finger, and eventually the plastic cock. I experimented anally prior to this, but never with anyone else. This was one of my fantasies and I could not believe it was happening. While she was thrusting away, she played with my nipples - pulling on my piercings just enough that it felt good, but hurt slightly.  I don't know if it was beginners luck, but I had a hands free orgasm. She smiled, laid down on top of me while still inserted, and kissed me so passionately. We must have been kissing for like 20 minutes straight -  wet, sloppy, deep kisses. 

Eventually she pulled out of my ass, put a condom on me, and inserted me into her pussy. We assumed the previous position - skin to skin, her body weight on mine and kissing.  We were making passionate love while I was restrained. I tried to get the words out that I could not hold back anymore, but she stuck her fingers in my mouth, pushed herself up, and started grinding on me - we came at the same time. She reached up and unhooked my wrists and collapsed on my chest. I was finally able to touch her. The agony of not being able to feel her with my hands was excruciating. I grabbed her body and hugged her tightly, I then placed my hands on the sides of her face, pulled her to me and kissed her. I was in love from that moment on. She never admits it to me, but I know she felt the same; she always says she fell in love a few weeks later.

You are probably wondering why we are not together. We had a very intense relationship, and we tended to get lost in each other, and forget about the world around us; the only way that we could move on in life was to part. She was strong enough to realize it, and I am glad she did. I had some hidden fears, and some unaccomplished goals that she helped me attain. Read this post if you haven't: Personal Growth Through BDSM, it will explain why. We care deeply about each other, have a special friendship and are happy in our separate lives.

I hope you enjoyed it, I know I enjoyed writing it. Part 2: the dynamics of our D/s relationship will be coming in a  day or two.  

Side note: A lot of people will capitalize the (s) and (h) in she and her, and make a lower case (i)  for I mid-sentence when writing about D/s; I do not believe it is necessary, so I didn't. 


Friday, March 7, 2008

A Week In The Life of Marcello!

Ciao Everyone,

As most of you know my grandfather passed on last week. I think I have handled it very well; I know he lived a full happy life of 82 years, and although I will miss him, I am happy he didn't suffer.

I guess it affected me in one way - I have not had the desire to write about my sexuality. HNT photos, yes, because they are fun, but to delve into my psyche and think about my path of self discovery, was just too much. This post is about some happenings in my life over the last 5 days. I have received a few emails all saying, "more sexuality please"....I promise a sexuality post will be up before the weekend is over. Tomorrow will be a rainy and relaxing saturday- a  perfect day to be introspective.

I spent a lot of time reading. I recently picked up Best Sex Writing 2008 because of a recommendation from Curvaceous Dee on playfulbent; this book is an absolute must read! I'm not attempting to write a review, because Marcelle Manhattan describes it to perfection in Lucrezia Magazine. I also purchased some other very sexually-interesting reads: a recommendation by Tess Madrone, Naked on the Internet by Audacia Ray; I also bought Bisexuality And The Eroticism Of Everyday Life by Marjorie Garber; & Sexuality - Key Ideas by Jeffrey Weeks. 

Twitter, Twitter, Twitter! This is one cool site, and I love the fact that we can share the small, but interesting details of our lives on the go, with our fellow sex-bloggers, complete strangers and friends.

Calling all kinksters, checkout FetLife a cool new site for those who enjoy BDSM/fetishes, and want to meet new and interesting people; there is a lot of familiar faces there. I spent some time there setting up my profile, and enjoying the site. 

I bought a new toy today - a Nexus Vibro, I have not used it yet, but a review will be coming as soon as I do. 

I had the pleasure of chatting with a very cool fellow sex-blogger, Zea, the photos on her blog are heaven in black and white.

Round and round they go - spin class is the craziest shit!. It is BDSM on a bicycle seat. I hate it, it's excruciating, I'm addicted and I don't know why - LOL!

Miz Ava asked me to do her radio show, and I accepted. I will keep you posted on the details as I get them. She is one cool, sexy and intelligent girl, check out her blog and show.

Lastly, I was able to reconnect with a close friend that I lost touch with over the last few months. He is a rare person; he helped me work through some tuff times, and I did not even know him that long.

Well, that is it for me. 


Thursday, March 6, 2008

hApPy hAlF-nEkKiD tHuRsDaY!


Mac | Life

This weeks theme was to take a pic with your mac.

I love my Mac... I really, really do!

My first HNT pic was with my mac,
click here to view it!



Sunday, March 2, 2008

My Sexual Evolution: P3

First, I want to thank all of you for your kind words and prayers for my family and I during the last few days.

Second, the pic on the left is of Kumi, a fetish model, she is so beautiful and sexy; if you get a chance visit her website, "Kumimonster" for a taste of beautiful-erotic photos.

Ok, on to the good stuff. I met an unbelievably cool, sexy and intellectual dominant woman on ALT. We have been conversing via email. She has asked me questions about my sexuality, and I have tried to examine them and answer them as best I can. Her first question led to this post.

This is her follow up questions to what I wrote, re-posted with Her permission.

Thank you for answering my question so thoroughly… I enjoy hearing other's stories, especially those that celebrate individuality through personal acceptance, without using that individuality as a cover-up or shock factor. In reading your progression of self awareness, it seems quite apparent that your attraction to men has been a part of you for as long as you were consciously aware of your sexuality. Do you think your willingness to accept your bisexuality at this given point in time can be contributed to your outwardly visible success in education and career? Having had friends that were gay, you must have witnessed their struggles in seeking out acceptance and proving their worth. I have seen this often in men that are submissive, balancing out their private and public lives in such a manner as to show the world their drive, power, and strength. For you, submission seems a source of pride, yet different from or only a small percentage your sexuality. Even though your experience is limited, do you envision submission and pansexuality as a joint encounter, or are they separate experiences entirely? You say you are attracted to femininity, which leads me to ask the question of whether you could or would submit to a male partner? Okay… enough for now, I'd say :-)

O… just a couple more… What is GLBTQ? What do you consider "gender bending", and do you enjoy it on a personal level or simply as a bystander?

My answer to her questions are as follows.Thanks.

GLBTQ is commonly used acronym for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual. Transexual. Queer

Gender Bending is that fine line between male/female - there is something so erotic about it. Thinking about it now, when I was younger, early teens - when Boy George first appeared on the scene, I had an odd attraction to him, but I thought he was a girl; when I found out he wasn't, I was a little confused.

There is a difference between gender-bending and transexuals. A transgendered person is a unique and complex individual, and my attraction to them is not a fetish, but an attraction to their unique personalities and beauty. ie: my pansexuality. Gender-bending is more that cross dressing  aspect that I find arousing, but not something I would personally do, although Mistress Andrea made me wear a pair of Victoria Secrets Boy Shorts to dinner with my parents, and I enjoyed the naughtiness of it.

In terms of being attracted to femininity, I prefer guys that have softer features, no body hair, and/or little facial hair. I am attracted to guys that look more like myself; what some people would call a pretty boy. I don't like overly muscular guys, I prefer the swimmer's build. I guess you could call it the metro-sexual guy.

The transexual girl that I dated for a few months had the most feminine features. She dominated me often, and enjoyed toping as well as bottoming. The first time she topped me was during a bondage scene that we played out. It was one of the best sexual experiences of my life.

I think the fact that I am well educated and somewhat successful most likely helped the process of my evolving sexuality.

Yes, I am proud of my submissive nature. I truly enjoy being submissive to a women; I love women so much that I just want to pamper them. I have been involved in the BDSM scene pretty much my whole adult life. The time with my Mistress Andrea was a true D/s relationship and I was collared to Her. I also dated another Domme for a few months, and all my other experiences have been kind of quick hookups for play, but I did not enjoy those times as much because there was no real connection, but they were still great. The two BDSM relationships that I was in had a very sensual dynamic, the other experiences were not as sensual, and leaned more along the sadism side. 

As per submitting to a man, I don't know if that is an area that I am ready to explore. My attraction to guys so far has been purely sexual, so I don't have that desire to be submissive. Submissiveness to me is something that I give to someone that I care about; it is a way of giving 100% of myself to another individual. There is a romanticism involved with being submissive. It is romantic because, in order to let yourself be taken to a place unimagined, you need to have love, trust and commitment to another; this person (Domme/Dom) has to in return, nurture and care for you as a sub, and facilitate your growth into Theirs/your ideal. I draw strength from women; with males I am extremely competitive, so submitting to me is almost like losing. I think if I were to be in a BDSM scene with a male, it would initially have to be a scene that included a woman to make me feel more comfortable. Why? Honestly, I am not sure, but the thought of myself and another male submitting to a Dominant women is a huge turn on.

The "vanilla" relationships that I was in tended to switch. I enjoyed restraining them, spanking them etc. as well as them to me. Not all of the girls liked to play, but most enjoyed it; all but one grew to love strap-on play. So, I guess they really were not so "vanilla".

In conclusion, I am still evolving sexually, and what I feel today maybe different tomorrow, but I will be sure to update you of any changes.

That's it for now.


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