I would like to start off by saying, if you have not read my first blog post, then some of this might not be completely clear to you.
At 21 is when I met Mistress Andrea and enjoyed my first experience with BDSM. We spent a wonderful 2 years together in a D/s relationship where I was collared to her, and we regularly engaged in strap-on/anal play. Mistress Andrea and i always invited others into our sex life. I was dominated by Her and Her male friend whom was a DOM. I felt there was nothing sexual coming from him, just orders and a spanking, which is sexual in nature, but at that time I don't think I was ready to understand what was happening or what I was feeling.
Then at 22 I was dj-ing at a club in Miami and there was a transexual girl and a drag queen sexually ravishing this guy, who when I think about it now, was hot. The scene turned me on so much and I didn't know why. When I returned home, I told Mistress Andrea about it, and we came to the conclusion that I am turned on by the whole gender-bending aspect, and when I felt ready I should explore it more.
Through out the remaining years until present, I have been with other transexual women, and enjoyed lot's of anal play with girlfriends and as a submissive in BDSM scenes. The question, "am I gay or bi" entered my mind often, but I stuck to the same answer, "I am attracted to femininity and not masculinity". I tried masturbating by fantasizing about guys, but nothing happened.
Two years ago while watching some transexual porn, two males in the scene began to have sex with each other, and I couldn't turn away . I watched it, but I feel I did not allow myself to fully enjoy it because I was nervous about what I was feeling; I dismissed it and moved on.
Looking back on my life there has been times when I thought about it, but never followed through. I was in a nightclub in SF in my mid 20's, I was alone and having a great time; I met 2 guys whom were gay, we partied together, dropped ecstacy, and they were coming on to me in a non-aggressive way - if that makes sense. They were hot! One of them asked me if I was gay or bi, and I replied, "I am curious". Nothing happened sexually, but we were dancing together in a provocative way with no shirts on. When I was ready to leave, the same guy said to me, "be careful and don't rush into anything"' I replied. "what?". He then said to me, "I personally think you are gay/bi, but it might take you a while to realize it, and when and if you do, don't rush into anything, take your time and use good judgment". He then said with a funny laugh,"if i was a jerk I would have pressured you into coming home with us, and you would have came, but I think it was wrong for you at this time for whatever reason. That same guy today is one of my closest friends, he bought me that book.
Also, one of my best friends came out to me when he was 18. He is another one who never pressured me, or asked me questions about my sexuality unless I brought a topic up for discussion. Through out my life I have always had more in common with my friends whom are GLBTQ, and always enjoyed their company more.
My sexuality has really evolved at its own pace, and there has never been any mental anguish about any aspect of it. I have always been very open and honest with myself about what I like, and never felt anything was wrong with me. I always felt that I was a very sexually open person and that I had nothing to be ashamed of, only to be proud of my sexual-eccentricity.