The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
                        - Marcel Proust

Thursday, January 24, 2008

My Sexual Evolution:

Ciao Everyone

This is my first blog, and as you read on, you will realize it is a continuation of my "About Me".

So, what led me to become the sexual person I am today. My first sexual feelings came at a very early age, I was 9 or 10 years old and I was at my older girl cousin's house. They were playing and sticking there feet in my face and saying, "smell, smell". That was the first time I felt anything sexual. This most likely created the fascination I have with the beauty of a woman's feet, and most likely contributed to my submissive nature. I am not a shoe sniffing freak..LOL (although there is nothing wrong with that), but instead find beauty in this part of female anatomy, and enjoy giving foot rubs, sucking on toes, and within the context of BDSM, foot worship.

Masturbation soon happened following that experience। At about 15 I realized that I also enjoyed anal play. Through out my teen years I experimented solo: with touching, fingers and small objects. I felt it was taboo, but didn't care, it felt good. 

Then, when I was in my early twenties I was dj-ing at a nightclub in NYC and met a girl who was a cage dancer. She was so beautiful, sexy (body piercings, jet black hair, platform boots etc.), at this time in my life I had, and still do love this look(I unfortunately had to remove mine due to the professional nature of my job). We flirted, wound up back at her apartment and she turned out to be a a Semi-Professional Domme. She bound me to her bed posts and had her way with me with a strap-on. This led to a two year relationship that was absolutely amazing: strap-on play, dominance, submission, anything and everything; it was a very sensual dynamic, not sadistic. I am a person who wants to worship a woman and be rewarded for it, not beaten senseless, but spanking and flogging have there place also *insert smile*. This experience allowed me to grow so much, and I am so thankful to Her for it; she is one of my best friends still to this day.

Fast Forward a few years, same situation: I met a girl in a nightclub, started kissing her and thinking to myself....I want her right now and I don't care if the whole club watches, but we wound up back at her place. Clothes are flying off and all of a sudden there it was, a cock. Oh boy was I startled and nervous; I really had no idea! Suffice it to say, I stayed, and I had one of the most incredible sexual experiences of my life. We dated for a few months and then she moved to the west coast. Once again, I want to thank her for helping grow into the person I am today. 

However, the experience led to a lot of questions about my sexuality. I was not sure what to think or feel about myself. Thankfully, I have friends whom are gay and bisexual, and they helped me come to some realizations. Eventually, I came to a conclusion that I am a straight, very open minded and sexually open person, and that I had no attraction to men, but loved transexuals and strap-on/anal play. I began reading books about: male sexuality, prostate pleasure etc; I bought anal toys, including an Aneros prostate massager (3 to be exact; Helix, MGX and Progasm). In all of my subsequent relationships I've had no inhibitions about making it known how much I love anal play. There has been many girls and one more transexual girl, and only one girl was freaked out, her loss. I also have enjoyed the BDSM scene alot, and anything and everything relating to sex and learning more about sex.

Furthermore, throughout this time period, the question, "am I gay", still arose in my mind. There was never any mental anguish about it, only curiosity. Thinking back there was sometimes in my life when if one thing led to another, I would have probably tried it. I always have hung out in gay/slightly mixed night clubs, and have been hit on a lot, but never followed through, although I always loved the attention. I always said, "sorry I am st8". I have been asked if I was gay/bisexual, but always gave the same response. Most of my friends always thought I was crazy. I have not hidden anything about my sexual past, and I always tell my friends, "come on have your wife/gf just stick her finger in there, or lick there, you will cum like you never have before". Some have tried, some think I am crazy...LOL!

Lastly, a week before this christmas a friend gave me a book to read. The book was Soma by Kemble Scott. Awesome read! Anyway, in the book one of the main characters, who is straight, gets involved with a man(ironic). While reading this book I became so turned on. Oh no, more weird feelings! "Not this time", I said to myself. I realized I am bisexual and proud of it. This didn't happen just from reading that book. I bought some bisexual porn recently and I loved it. I have only  told a few select friends(GLB), whom all said they knew, but didn't want to pressure me, they wanted it to happen more natural.  One of these friends gave me that book. Thank you!! 

One final note. I am writing this blog because, after reading the Pleasure Happens blog, I found Essin' Em's blog. She opened me up to a new term, pansexual. I like this term! I am attracted to all people, all sexes, and there is more than two. Reading her blog has made me want to start my own. Like her, I have always had an interest in human sexuality, she is pursuing a degree in it....Bravo!!  
Thank you!

That is it for now,


piggy said...

Very neat. Thanks for sharing.

donnab810 said...

Hey there, im loving your blog.

Yes fining out either by accident or on purpose- (if there really is such a thing) can be either shocking of life changing.

For me it was visual.

Good luck on your continual journey.

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