I pose this question. Can there be healing and growth through BDSM? My answer, a resounding, YES!
The true story that follows, is from a scene that my Mistress and i performed about 8 years ago. This scene is proof that BDSM can have profound effects on an individual's life, may it be the Dom/-mme and/or the submissive.
We were at a dinner party, and we were exploring the following subjects: "if you had to lose 1 of the 5 senses, which one would you pick" & "what are you afraid of in life"?
My reply: "I can not imagine losing my sense of taste, I love, and I am great at cooking; hearing, music moves me more than anything else; vision, it is scary to think how blind people must feel. My fears in life were: giving up 100% control, fear of being alone, and a fear of moving away from my family".
We went home and didn't really speak about the evening, except how much we enjoyed the company of these couples(D/s) we just met.
Later on that week, she asked me if I trusted her, and i said, "yes". We went to an apartment that I was never at before, She blindfolded me, bound me to the bed, and put sound isolating ear plugs in my ears. Before hand she told me that after she was finished she was going to leave and come back whenever she felt. I think it was about 1 1/2 - 2hrs before she returned. In that time frame I had a panic attack, heart pounding, sweating, felt like I was going to die - panic attack.
When she returned, she removed the ear-pieces, and asked me if i still trusted Her, i said, "yes"; She asked me if i was OK, i said, "yes again". She then told me 2 other people were in the room and she was going to leave me to them, and that she would be back soon. I heard their voices, and her footsteps leaving and closing the door behind her. The ear-pieces were put back on and a ball-gag was placed in my mouth. For the next 2-3 hrs nothing happened to me, except the occasional brush of my skin to let me know that they were still there.
This was indeed a very scary time, I had no idea who those people were, and what they might do to me. I was helpless! I took myself to a place that I have never been. In my mind, I envisioned Mistress Andrea: Her loving smile, the trust i had in Her, and that kept me calm and peaceful and ready to deal with whatever they might do to me.
Eventually all the sensory deprivation equipment was removed, and i could see my Mistress (she looked exactly the way i was envisioning Her in my mind). Then the restraints were unlocked, and I curled up Her arms and cried.
Some info that you need to know before reading the next section:
(My Mistress always wore Burberry Perfume. The day of that scene She wore a bought off the street musk perfume.....I didn't even notice. During those last 3 hours, whenever either of the two became close to me, I smelled that musk scent. Before the the sensory deprivation equipment was removed, she showered and put on burberry.)
A few weeks later we were watching TV, she excused herself, went to the bathroom and put on that musk perfume. As soon as she curled up next to me, I had flashbacks of that day. I said to her, "you were there the whole time", she replied "yes, I told you I would keep you safe and let nothing happen to you, and now you will never underestimate the power of scent". I began using my sense of smell more, and have become a better chef because of it. She always, and still has a pet peeve that people dont slow down enough to smell things.
To me it was a complete mind-fuck and an incredible experience. It made me realize that no matter how far away I might be, the people I love will still be in my mind and close to me. The whole time I was blindfolded, I saw her in my mind, the images so clear, so precise, that it made me relax and not painc anymore, it brought me comfort.
This experience helped me loose my fears, and move away from my family to another state for school. It helped me grow into the person I am today. Now, I am comfortable in being alone, I take chances in life, and I am always smelling things now.
Mistress Andrea and i split up when i left for school, and Her Europe. We remain the best of friends and talk via the internet regularly. She is allowing me to post Her name. I have since returned to NYC from Atlanta, and She lives in Paris in a D/s relationship with a female submissive.
Hope you enjoyed that part of my life.
Ciao,
Marcello
Ciao Everyone:
3 comments:
I have so many things to say about the subject of personal growth through BDSM, but since I don't have the time to write an entire essay about it now I will just let you know that I loved this post!!! This is so true. I have spent 6 years of job skill and MA level training with counseling psychology. Towards the end of that time I feel in love with a healthy experienced top. Again, my process through discovering what you are writing about is long, but I can say from persona experience that I truly support the statement that personal growth and healing can arise through BDSM. Now some educated folks might run to their partner as say let's start playing kinky instead of going to therapy, but I know that is not what you are saying or what I am advocating for. For those that are ready and healthy with their execution and aftercare (both short term and long term), it can be a beautiful and healing experience. You might be interested in this PhD in Counseling Psychology that spends her time trying to educate licensed therapists about the difference between heathy alternative play and abuse. Her name is Gabrielle Hoff and her site is http://www.lifestyleeducation.net/
I am not suggesting you need life coaching or sex therapy, instead I am trying to show you a kinky woman that is trying to educate others in her own way just like you and I are!
I look forward to reading more of your posts and I encourage you to keep playing for inspiration and healing!
Tess
-www.Tessmadrone.com
Nice post. I definitely use bdsm as a milieu for personal growth. *smiles*
That is by far one of the most moving and beautiful posts I have read in a long time. Thank you.
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